I was writing a friend today about my quiet time. I have struggled with something and it was like the light was turned on today in my quiet time.
I really love those times with God - when you can clearly hear Him speaking to you through His word as though He is standing right there talking to you! And it wasn't like I didn't know these things, but sometimes you have two different thoughts and suddenly realize how they are put together.. this was one of those moments.
In my stress and anxiety about day to day things I keep ending up sinning in the same ways over and over. And I have been clearly seeing the sins and clearly seeing my stress and know the sins are proceeding out of my stress, but it felt like I have been battling two completely different things.
One cannot be thankful and discontent at the same time, so I know
the key to not being discontent is to be overflowing with thanksgiving. I
also know that I need to pray with thanksgiving and supplication when I
am stressed and anxious, and that the fruit of not doing this is
continued stress and anxiousness, and not peace. And because I'm struggling with those
sins, I'm more apt to sinning in other areas.
My quiet time reading today was Romans 1. I have always read these
verses with the unsaved in mind -- not me -- or maybe me, but before I was saved.
Romans 1:21-32 "For even though they knew God, they did not honor Him as God or give thanks, but they became futile in their speculations, and their foolish heart was darkened… and just as they did not see fit to acknowledge God any longer, God gave them over to a depraved mind… being filled with all unrighteousness, wickedness, greed, evil; full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, malice; they are gossips, slanderers, haters of God, insolent, arrogant, boastful, inventors of evil, disobedient to parents, without understanding, untrustworthy, unloving, unmerciful; ..."
Romans 1:21-32 "For even though they knew God, they did not honor Him as God or give thanks, but they became futile in their speculations, and their foolish heart was darkened… and just as they did not see fit to acknowledge God any longer, God gave them over to a depraved mind… being filled with all unrighteousness, wickedness, greed, evil; full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, malice; they are gossips, slanderers, haters of God, insolent, arrogant, boastful, inventors of evil, disobedient to parents, without understanding, untrustworthy, unloving, unmerciful; ..."
Here is what I saw today: When I am stressed I become not honoring and not thankful for His sovereign, good hand in my life - it causes me to become futile in my thinking – then my heart is darkened because (although I wouldn't have put it into these words before now) I, at this point, am no different than the unsaved person in sin, in that I do not see fit to acknowledge God any longer (because I'm discontent) – and because of that He gives me over to my sinful self – and I begin being fill with the fruit of my stress which is more sin -- whether that be gossip, being without understanding, or untrusting, or unloving, or unmerciful, or filled with strife, etc, etc, etc. Not that I am not saved or God is treating me like an unsaved person, but if I am not renewing my mind to the truth of how God cares for me and loves me and is doing everything for my good, then my thoughts become futile which leads to more sin.
It talks about the world having no excuse because God has made himself know to them (general revelation) -- how much MORE am I without excuse when He's graciously revealed His Son to me (special revelation).
I need to constantly renew my mind to the truth that I have victory over all of it though Christ my Savior and that God is doing everything for my good, whether I can see it or not!!
oooooh how I don't want to be a person of futile thoughts!
