As many of you know, I'm studying to be a Nouthetic (Biblical) Counselor. The current class I'm in is on forgiveness. I'm still mulling it over in my head.
One thing I'm was thinking about was....
Luke 17:3-4 "... If your brother sins, rebuke him; forgive him, and if he repents, and if he sins against you seven times in the day, and turns to you seven times, saying, 'I repent,' you must forgive him."
And Matt 18:15 "If your brother sins, go and show him his fault in private; if he listens to you, you have won your brother."
They explained this verse to say that we have an obligation on the offended side to confront the offender (if, as Matt 5:23-24 commands, the offender has not come to repent on his/her own). It said that's a command here -- if he sins, rebuke him -and- if he sins, go and show him his fault in private.
The reasoning behind this is because we want to do everything to maintain the bond of unity. Offenses surely do not promote unity so both the offender (in Matt 5:23-24) and the offended (in Luke 17:3-4, Matt 18:15) are command to go to each other and fix it (confront or repent).
But the verse that kept popping into my mind was Proverbs 19:11 "Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to "overlook an offense." (emphasis mine)
I always took this as two thoughts: one about being slow to anger and one about overlooking an offense.
I always have read this to say that it is to our glory to overlook it when someone sins against us. But then Prov 19 and Luke 17 would be at odds with one another, as we cannot both overlook something and confront it at the same time.
So then I thought maybe it meant that we forgive the person the offense, even if they haven't repented of it. But then, that is at odds with the rest of Matt 18:16-17 telling us to confront-- meaning that we are to go one on one (as it says privately) THEN if he/she doesn't repent we take one or two others THEN we tell it to the church (elders, then the body), etc. There are a lot of commands there.... so overlooking it in that regards seems to be a detriment to the offender as every step outlined in Matt 18:16-17 is for the person's good that he/she may learn discipline and unity is restored in the body when rightly applied.
And forgiveness isn't granted to the sinner where there is no repentance. The gospel outlines that perfectly. Because then forgiveness would be acceptance with no conditions, yet forgiveness always implies something in the offender that cannot be accepted -- Christ did not accept us as we were - He died to make us acceptable!
So, now I see Prov 19:11 is not two thoughts, rather one thought addressing anger and bitterness - meaning, when someone does something to us - first be slow to anger and then forbearance should takes the place of resentment. Our response is not to forgive someone before he/she seeks forgiveness, rather, submit to God our hearts in a situation like this so bitterness doesn't rise up -- and then be ready and willing to give forgiveness when someone repents.
I just wanted to point out another aspect of this that I wasn't dealing with in my thoughts here, but is very important when dealing with these Matthew and Luke verses - so as to keep a more complete picture of this and not lead people to think they need to be confronting people on every little sin or offense:
1 Peter 4:8 says, "Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins."
This verse is key in understanding that the Matthew and Luke verses are not saying that we are to go to everyone every time they offend us or we perceive they do something. If this were so our list would be endless by the end of our day every day!!!!
We should consider confronting for two reasons:
1) As Gal 6:1 instructs: "Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness." So if they are in trouble because they are entangled in an issue, then we confront them in love to restore them.
2) Anything we find too difficult to cover in love as 1 Peter 4:8 instructs. However, love should cover most things. If we find that love isn't covering most things, then we need to check our own hearts -- are we having bitterness or an unloving or critical spirit?
